all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
