I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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