i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
