Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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