Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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