You're so nebulous sometimes
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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