he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize