What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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