i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
