my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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