The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
