I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
someone owes me an orgasm
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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