Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
