I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
