The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
