I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I am available for nakedness
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
