hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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