soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize