Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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