I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
