I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
now i know why i became what i already was.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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