I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
