"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
