it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
