you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
