I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
