im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
