I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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