he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
