MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
