i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
