I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
