i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
