That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
i believe in u and ur pee
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
