i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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