i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
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