so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize