I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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