sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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