Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Green mimosas i think yes
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
