Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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