I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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