Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
