we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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