U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
