It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
