I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
