Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
