This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
