got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
