I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
