I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
