she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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