CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
