You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
