I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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