I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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