how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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