So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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