How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
