btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
