Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
