If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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