Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
