Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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