Screwed.edu
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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