Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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