Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
