and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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